Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
