did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
