I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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