i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
