i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
