white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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