God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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