God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
