season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
