I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
