Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
