4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
