So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
