i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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