just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
