Will you blow on my dice?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize