just tell him i said nine months
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
