My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
