how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish I only lived at night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm both gender and math confused
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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