Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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