he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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