I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
