I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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