i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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