I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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