I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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