"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
