Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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