all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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