i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
