Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
