So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
