I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
