and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she told me i tasted like america
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
