I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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