yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
