guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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