some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
