she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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