Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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