So drunk its hurt
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
