I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
