The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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