Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
