So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
