Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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