This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
