I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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