Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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