I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
