So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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