I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize