he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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