My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
