i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
