I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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