Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
