Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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