Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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