Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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