So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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