I'm jealous of your bromance
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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